When Arthur Can't Cope
by BlackFyre94
Summary: One-shot. WARNING: Self-harm, suicide, one-way A/M and a whole lot of angst. You've been warned.


**WARNING: Angst, self-harm, suicide and one-way A/M slash. You have been warned.**

**DISCLAIMER: _Merlin_ is not mine. It belongs to the BBC. **

Merlin has always been there for Arthur. Whenever Arthur can't cope, Merlin is always there to dry his tears, and comfort him, and reassure him that everything will be alright, whenever the black clouds of depression settle thick and heavy over the prince, Merlin tries to help him carry the burden he has to bear, only sometimes, all he can do isn't enough…

…like when Arthur lost that jousting tournament, and his father was furious, so Merlin went to Arthur's room and knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so he went inside and saw the blood, so much blood, coating the floor, spreading over the stone in a growing pool from where the Prince lay, with his arms all cut up to shreds, and his hand all smashed up where he'd punched the mirror to make a blade, and Merlin bandaged his wounds, held him while he cried, watched over him while he went to sleep, then cleaned up the blood, leaving no trace of what had happened, tears rolling down his face all the while because he knew how it felt to not be noticed by someone you loved, and only realised he was covered in Arthur's drying blood when he collapsed into his own bed, exhausted, in the early hours of the morning…**

…or like when Arthur had those terrible nightmares, where he woke up screaming in the night for the mother that he had killed before he was even born, and Merlin found the bottle of sleeping drugs – empty – by Arthur's bed one night, with the Prince lying in his bed, his lips blue and his skin cold as death, so Merlin stuck his fingers down Arthur's throat, again and again, until his stomach was empty, then held him while he cried – while they both cried – because Merlin too knew how it felt to take someone else's life, until the Prince fell into deep and dreamless sleep, and Merlin could clean up and erase all evidence of the night's events…

…like when Merlin knocked on Arthur's door, and there was no answer, so he went inside and found the Prince leaning way, way out of his window, tears rolling down his face to splash onto the stones of the courtyard far, far below, watching the peasants who had spit on him and shouted, cursed, screamed at him because Uther had more and more of them put to death – sorcerers the lot of them – and forgot that every dead man or woman was a brother, sister, mother, father, until Merlin lunged across the room in three rapid strides and caught the back of Arthur's jacket before he fell, and was dying inside because he knew too well the bitter taste of rejection…

…or like that terrible day in winter where they had found Gwen's body huddled by the fireplace in her tiny house, her limbs stiff and unmoving, her eyes frozen open, because times were hard and the winter was cruel, and there was no money, no food, no fuel, and she hadn't told a soul because her pride wouldn't let her, and they had found Arthur the next morning, half-buried in the snow, nearly dead with the cold and so they had brought him inside and Merlin had cared for him, looked after him, because he knew exactly how it felt to lose someone you loved – only Merlin was watching the person he loved most in the world die by inches in front of his eyes…

…and then there came one day, when Arthur woke up, and saw that love and life go on, despite all time can do to wear them down, and he noticed that Merlin hadn't turned up for work, so he went to Merlin's room and knocked on the door – and there was no answer.

****Merlin-being-covered-in-Arthur's-blood is property of Shadows On A Love-Struck Soul. Read her fics - they're excellent :) and also, if at anytime you feel like reading some more of mine it'd be much appreciated :)**

**Shameless advertising aside, what did you think? I thought I'd write something angsty for a change *sarcasm***

**And does it need another chapter? It was written as a one-shot but idk :S**

**Please review - reviews = love :)**

**BlackFyre out x**


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